hachi08 (hachi08) wrote,

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Of Aardvarks, Pepperspray and Why Tazers are Bad

Title: Of Aardvarks, Pepperspray and Why Tazers are Bad
Author: hachi08
Genre: Crack.
Rating: PG (feel sorry for the aardvarks people)
Pairing: Minor KyuMin, Henry/aardvarks (Varkry anyone?)
Summary: Henry learns an interesting fact and school which leads Kyuhyun and Sungmin to start arguing.
A/n: This actual conversation happened at my dinner table with my family. Blame my mother for the first aardvark comment and my sister for the one about rampaging aardvarks...
* * *

"Did you know that all aardvarks are allergic to capsicum during certain months of the year. I think it's May..." shouted Henry as he entered the door from school. Sungmin looked over the top of his magazine at Henry and smiled politely before going back to his article.
"So what does this mean...?" Kyuhyun spun his computer chair around to face the Mochi.
"I'm not sure really..." Henry confided. Sungmin suddenly shot up from his position on the couch.
"It means that if you are ever confronted with a rampaging aardvark, you cannot use pepperspray!"
"... How in the hell did you get that from the conversation." Kyuhyun looked at his boyfriend strangely
"I'm reading an article on the police." Sungmin admitted, holding up the magazine and waving it in front of Kyuhyun's face.
"Yeah, what's it about?" Henry inquired, trying to get the two to stop annoying each other.
"First it lists a story where two women cops are put on together and then they have to sort out a domestic. One gets attack so the other goes for her tazer and tazers the other copper." Sungmin had a strage look on his face. Kyuhyun laughed in a sense that said 'Why would you put two females together in the first place" before asking "Was she blonde?" and earning a smack upside the head.
"... And how did you get aardvarks and pepperspray from that?" Henry was very confused.
"They go on to announce the statistics of people who die from tazering, pepperspray and gunshots from police." Sungmin answered, matter-of-factly.
"Really? What are those stats?" Kyuhyun was now suddenly interested in the magazine that had been shoved in his face moments earlier.
"4% from tazers, 18% from guns and 0% from pepperspray-" Sungmin stated, only to be cut off by Henry.
"Unless you are an aardvark!"
"Yes... unless you are an aardvark..." Sungmin said slowly, unsure of how to phrase it.
"So more people die from gunshot wounds, right?" Kyuhyun deadpanned.
"Yeah...?" Sungmin looked at him.
"Then why do they keep saying that tazers are more dangerous because they might kill you?" Kyuhyun asked innocently.
"... Touche."
* * *
"Hey Kyuhyun!" shouted Leeteuk from the kitchen table.
"Yes hyung?" walking gingerly from his computer, Kyuhyun arrived into the kitchen to see 12 pairs of eyes hovering over the newspaper.
"Read this!" Kangin giggled. Yes, the manly man giggled, alerting Kyuhyun to a big problem.
Kyuhyun picked up the paper and promptly disposed of it. The other members looked at him strangely.
"Do not mention a word of this to Sungmin or Henry, understand?" he spoke dangerously.
Upstairs, Henry patted his new pet.
"I love you so much!I'm gonna call you... Henry Jr!"
The aardvark just eyed the door wearily, planning for his great escape.

Tags: aardvarks, kyumin, varkry, why tazers are bad
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